MAMMOGRAM -- Doesn't that sound a little like a telegram that you'd send to a woman of a certain age? Like 'Ma'am-O-Gram'. I like that idea better than the actual process.

Of course there are many, many things I like better than the actual process, since the actual process involves having my breasts mashed so flat that I'm convinced they're going to explode. I found myself wondering if that's ever happened. One minute you have a decent pair of knockers; the next, something that resembles a deflated balloon.

It's been five years since my last mammogram (forgive me, radiologist, for I have sinned...it's been five years since my last mammogram...)

Let me start again. In the five years since my last mammogram, they've apparently introduced a note of whimsy into what is generally not a whimsical process. Before you get started, you get stickers to put on your nipples. I'm assuming this is so that when the radiologist reads your mammogram and sees a little knob of dense tissue protruding from your breast, he or she will know that it's just a nipple, not a tumor. Anyway, these stickers look a little bit like a 'snap' - like on baby clothes - there's a little nub of metal sticking up in the center of the sticker. Presumably this is the part that shows up on the film.

The whimsical part is that the sticker itself has flowers printed on it. They are positively decorative. I wanted to wear mine home. I think this is an amazing idea, and I'd like to shake the hand of the man or woman who not only came up with it, but pitched it to some medical supplier who thought it was worth paying to have these nipple stickers printed. I doubt it's cheap. I'm sure it jacks up the overall price of the things. I've decided to believe that this is a case of someone realizing that a little whimsy can go a long way towards relaxing a person in a stressful situation. The alternative, of course, is that someone in the medical supply business has a brother-in-law in the printing business.

So...here's the upshot: I have a smooth, oval-shaped, benign-looking MASS in my right breast. They will look for it on my films from five years ago, and if they see it there, then god bless and godspeed and they'll see me in a year for my next annual mammogram. If it wasn't there five years ago, then they'll see me in six months for another 'ma'am-o-gram' to see if anything has changed.

Either way - not too scary overall.

It's my birthday. I'm 43 today, so I decided to stop by my blog and update my heading so that my age is correct.

I said a couple of years ago that I thought my forties were going to be my best decade, and so far; so good -- so no real angst around this birthday. And I've decided that when I'm 48 or 49, I'm going to resolve that my fifties are going to be my best decade so far. In this way, I hope to avoid any and all anxiety around getting older.

Another thing that helps is being happy with where my life is. I'm in a relationship that I feel great about, I'm happy with my job, and I seem to be healthy. It's all good.

I don't typically make New Year's resolutions, or birthday resolutions, but I'm going to make one this year. I'm going to paint. A lot. I'm not sure yet how to fit that into my already fairly busy life, but I'm going to make an effort. It feels wasteful not to.

The last thing I painted was a portrait of Kevyn that I brought on our first date. She'd sent me (via email) a picture of her cuddled up with her beagle, and I thought it was a really interesting shot and wanted to do a painting of it as soon as I saw it. We'd been talking on the phone every night and I already felt a connection, so I wanted to give her something special. I was also aware that she was dating a couple of other women and thought it might be a good idea to come out of the gate strong so as to thin the field a bit.

So I did the painting over a weekend and brought it with me for our first date - which was also our first face to face meeting. Then I spent the entire drive over here (two and a half hours) vacillating as to whether or not to give it to her. And if I was going to give it to her, when should I give it to her? Should I bring it to the door with me? What if she thought I was a stalker or a weirdo? Should I wait until after I saw how things were going - then if it went badly, I could just leave it in the car and she'd never have to know about it?

What decided it for me more than anything else was probably my need for closure and my general desire for immediate gratification. I brought it to the door, turned backwards. After she opened the door and we managed to get the 'hellos' out of the way, I turned it around and said something about having promised her a one-woman show.

She loved it. She almost cried. She hugged me. It was great. I recommend this as an ice-breaker for anyone else who is looking for a way to stand out. I mean, lots of people bring flowers - but how many bring portraits? Not that I'm bragging.

Ok, maybe I'm bragging.

Anyway, that was well over a year ago, and aside from painting the kitchen, I haven't touched a paintbrush since. (And Kevyn hasn't touched any of those other women she was dating since either!) So it's time to get busy and start producing. Times have changed so much since I was in college and another student called me "a prolific little bugger."

So that's my goal for this 43rd year -- to be prolific. I'll let you know how it turns out.