Kids will try to kill you. You can die from sheer embarassment from just being around them sometimes because you just don't know what they are going to say or do.

Once I was babysitting my niece, Whiskey (not her name) when she and Nate were both about two and a half years old. I was living in my nice apartment in the project at the time and was busy working on a drawing at my drawing table in the living room.

Let me interject that it's a bad idea to ever leave two children under the age of three unattended for any length of time.

The apartment wasn't that big and the door to Nate's room was open, so I was pretty sure I would hear if anything untoward happened. The kids were being unusually quiet and well behaved that day, and as any parent knows, that's probably a bad sign. I mean, these kids were generally at one another's throats. I'd seen them come to blows over imaginary cookies. ("You ate my cookie! Waaah!!" -- only there were no cookies).

So basically, I was enjoying the peace and quiet and getting some good work done on my drawing. Then all of a sudden, I heard this horrible buzzing clattering coming from the hallway and at about the same time, both the kids started giggling wildly and shrieking with laughter. What the fu...? I jumped up from the table and rushed to the hallway. There stood both the kids pointing at a beige colored plastic thing that was jumping up and down in the linoleum floor. Buzzzzz, bang, clatter, buzzz. I realized with horror that it was my vibrator, which had evidently been purloined from beneath my bed. It only took me a couple of tries to catch it, because that little sucker was movin'...but I grabbed it as quickly as I could and switched it off. Trying to maintain as much dignity as possible under the circumstances, I looked sternly at both children. I was going to give them a lecture about being in my room, but when they started asking, "what is it? can we play with it?" and I realized I was standing there holding it still, I finally had to give up and just stomp out of the room.

But you know, it really did look pretty funny jumping up and down in the floor. I've gotta say, I totally understand why they were so amused.