So...earlier today I was on this planet somewhere in the vicinity of the Orion Nebula with some of my friends, and we were having a rumble with this other guy and some of his friends...an important rumble. The fate of the planet was hanging in the balance.

Now, I'm trying to sneak up on this guy (let's call him Bruce), but he's got his twitchy little friend Percy standing lookout, and his other friend Hoss between me and him. I know Bruce is a wimp, but I'm a little nervous about Percy and Hoss ganging up on me. What I need is for Hoss to go for a walk, and to block Percy's view of Bruce...so I come with this great idea...what I'll do is send my buddy Jimmy Liverpool out to distract Percy, and then I'll get my friend Rocky to lure Hoss outside. It wasn't a great plan because Rocky was almost definitely going to get killed, and Jimmy Liverpool didn't really stand a chance against Percy if Percy realized what he was doing.

What happened was this: Jimmy Liverpool goes out and starts jumping up and down making so much noise that I'm sure Percy's going to run right over him, but instead, Percy just stands there laughing. And then -- get this--Hoss goes off to take a whiz!! Right at the critical moment! Which is great because then Rocky doesn't have to go under fire, and then a couple more of my friends, Beulah and Dave gang up on Bruce while Percy's distracted and Hoss is off draining the lizard...and Bruce just gives up! Surrenders. He knows no matter where he goes, we got him.

And that's how me and my buddies saved the planet earlier today.

Ok, ok....it was actually about chess, but I figured everyone might be tired of hearing about chess.